Thursday, 4 August 2016

How do I get through the pain of rejection?

My husband of 19 years left me a year ago. He was the love of my life and I still love him, but he says there’s no chance we’ll ever get back together. He has a new life now, and a new lover. I’m absolutely devastated and don’t know how to move on from this. I’m also worried about our three children who miss their dad terribly as he was a caring dad. Will I ever get over this pain?

by e-mail.

Dear Anjola,

As you now know, suddenly finding yourself alone after many years of marriage shatters the foundations of your existence. As well as the pain of a broken heart, you have to deal with the practicalities of a separation while trying to remain strong for your children. This is not something you can easily do alone. You need the support of a few of your friends and acquaintances who have experienced similar pains. They will counsel you on how to live through a betrayal and come out on the other side. Doctors can give you pills to help. Counselling can also help. But in the end, it’s up to you. Even if your husband came back, you might discover you wouldn’t be any happier with him back at home than you’ve been when he was gone. You must move on with your life and concentrate on the positive things going for you – like your job, your children and support of well-meaning friends. Don’t forget your social life and going on the occasional dates just for the fun of it. Recovery takes time, but you need to go through it to have a happier life that you would have had had you stayed married to someone that no longer cares.